My province is coming out with a new sexual education curriculum. It’s causing quite a stir. There are rumours that the concept of anal sex is going to be taught to fourth graders. Naturally this has many people up in arms. I recently overheard two teachers discussing the topic.

Teacher 1 “I had a kid ask me about that once. She wanted to know whether you could get pregnant from anal sex.”

Teacher 2 dramatically slams her hands down on the table in front of her and stops just short of bellowing “And what did you say?!”

Teacher 1 “I said yes.”

Teacher 2 emphatically “Good for you” then loudly added “I say any time a penis and vagina come near each other pregnancy can happen.”

I listened to this then went home to talk to Tex.

Unwashed “So I heard the craziest thing today, two ladies were discussing anal sex and were going around telling people you could get pregnant from it.”

Tex “Oh yeah!”  he said enthusiastically in the same manner that one might react if the Northern Lights were mentioned. “Anal sex gets you pregnant- and then you end up with butt babies, which are like hemorrhoids but way worse.”

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go pray to a stork. Or a cloud? Or perhaps I’m supposed to bury a really ugly potato and wish hard. I can’t remember. Regardless the point is I’d like a baby, and I have no idea how to have one what with my attending public school and all. What I do know is; there’s no way I’m having anal sex- butt babies sound awful.

I tried Googling “Butt Stork” and you don’t even want to know what came up. Maybe they use the same one? (Photo Credit: cliparts.co)