Showing Some Electronic Love

Dear WordPress,

I love you. Be my Valentine. I’d bring you electronic roses and candy hearts but I don’t know how to do that. I’m sure you do but in showing me how to bring your wonderful self said e-items, it would defeat the purpose of my thoughtfulness. In lieu of that I will just say thank you and profess my undying feelings of gratitude and warmth to you.

You see WordPress, my blog turned one years old on December 31st, it was terribly exciting. We didn’t have cake, real or electronic, so don’t worry you didn’t miss out. After a little over a month of blogging, last year, on this day I bought the rights to my webname. Or at least I think I did. Actually I have no idea what happened the gist of it is- twenty-six dollars was charged to my credit card and the “.wordpress” was dropped from the site when people came to visit. Although I didn’t understand the whole process, it was thrilling for me.

However at the back of my head was a niggling worry “What happens next year? Will WordPress save the domain name for me? How will I renew this?” It was all very concerning, but then this morning I received an email saying that I would keep my website and that my credit card would be charged without my having to move a muscle. It was fabulous; if I was a crier I would have shed tears of joy from relief. As it was I just danced around my kitchen like a Muppet on speed.

So thank you WordPress, you’re wonderful, I adore you. If I was in school I’d write your name and surround it with hearts on my notebooks.

As it is all I can do is draw you something in paint. I know how to use this program because my eight year old cousin showed me how.

The tutorial wasn't very long and didn't include things like body proportions.

The tutorial wasn’t very long and didn’t include things like body proportions.

The Great Unwashed

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Wordpress Won’t Return My Calls

On Saturday I published my hundredth blog post. It would seem that WordPress no longer loves me. Or maybe somewhere along the way I disappointed the website and WordPress doesn’t feel like cheering me on anymore. Once upon a time though, from January to March of this past year, WordPress and I were besties.

Every time I published a post on WordPress, it would send me emails “You’ve got two more followers! Hurray!” or “Can you even believe ten people looked at your work today? That’s terrific, we’re super proud of you” and I was all “Thanks WordPress, I really need the encouragement and you make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.”

But like all relationships, at some point WordPress’ interest in me started to wane. It didn’t feel like lighting up anymore when one hundred and fifty people looked at my post “Lighting Fires in Public Places”. However like many people in unrequited love I held on to hope.

Sometime in October I realized that my hundredth post would fall in this month. For awhile I debated throwing a party to celebrate my achievement. However that would involve people. And as a self confessed hermit this would not do. Instead I figured that my old friend WordPress would come through and do something special to mark the occasion for me.

While composing the hundredth post I thought of all the things WordPress might do. Maybe it would jump out from behind my computer with a cake. Perhaps it might make balloons fall from the screen. Or even best of all, put up a quote saying how proud of me the site was and that I was no longer bad at grammar.

On Saturday night, with a heart full of anticipation, I clicked the “Publish” button. Holding my breath I waited for surprises and joy to fill the screen celebrating my commitment to writing and the WordPress community. Instead my post appeared as usual on the right hand side of the screen ready for me to edit next to a perfectly ordinary message on the left saying that I had published one hundred posts.

English: Toy balloons Русский: Воздушные шарики

WordPress didn’t bother with balloons.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No parade. No band. No balloons. If I hadn’t been so shocked, I might have shed a tear. Sure I had seen that WordPress was increasingly disinterested in what I was doing and yes it had been awhile since it brought me emails of congratulations but I hadn’t realized our relationship was that bad.

Hence I’m writing to tell you, my Unwashed public, that in a little over a month my blog turns a year old. Everyone is invited to come celebrate with me as I push the “Publish” button. Except for you WordPress, you can stay on the internet all by your lonesome while all of my true friends ring in a new year of The Great Unwashed with me.

English: A bouquet of flowers.

WordPress didn’t bring me flowers either. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Neil Patrick Harris Declined My Offer To Host This Award Post

However the show must go on, and this is an awards show. For me. Just me. Here at The Great Unwashed we are super self involved but we are also about family. Big family. That last sentence may have been foreshadowing. Or it would be if Roscoe would let me have my way. On with the show.

 

Dear Faithful readers,

The day has finally arrived. I was nominated for an award. Not a big award. More like WordPress’ version of a participation award but gosh darn it, it’s an award. And I’m chuffed.  Now there are multiple steps to follow for this award, so many that I’ve decided to break it into two blog posts.

First you need to acknowledge and thank the person who nominated you. So thank you Erica Funi of  Finding The Funi, I do so appreciate being nominated, I was so thrilled that I called my Mom, who already knew because she went on my site and saw, but didn’t call me because that’s the kind of mother she is. Actually she may have texted me in her excitement, I’ll have to check my phone to see if there is a cryptic “k” from the day that you nominated me. This is my mother’s electronic way of communicating with the world- one indecipherable letter at a time. Sometimes she’ll put a “u” or an “i” in there just to mix it up.

Getting back to the award. Erica is a wonderful writer. She also has a nice smile. And I have it on good authority that she does not smell. Erica, I don’t think I could have written a more winning recommendation if I tried. Thanks again for nominating me, I did my best to answer your questions which was of course the second step in the process.

 

What is your biggest pet peeve?

People asking about my pet peeves.  No that’s not true, like most people, I love to be questioned about the things that are bothering me. Most recently my biggest pet peeve is Roscoe’s refusal to take a second wife. I’ve gotten into the show “Big Love” of late and the concept of polygamy is really growing on me. I just love the idea of someone else cleaning and grocery shopping and vacuuming. Roscoe claims that I don’t fully understand the idea of multiple spouses.

Car-mel or Car-a-mel?

 

Are they both edible? Yes? Then why are we having this conversation and not eating sweets?

 

If you could trade places with anyone for a day, who would it be?

I can tell you who it wouldn’t be – my imaginary sister wife. I left her alllll of the laundry. The pile is taller than me, which isn’t saying much, but it’s also taller than Roscoe. I’m going to consider that an accomplishment. We’re out of laundry detergent but I’m sure my imaginary sister wife can take care of that.

 

What is the last website you visited?

Hold The Condiments. Occasionally I feel it necessary to send windy, rambling messages to other bloggers. Before that I wrote a fan letter to the Byronic Man.

Wait did I answer the question? No matter, moving on.

 

Toilet paper. Over or under?

Once again, I think you’ve missed the forest for the trees, or in this case the forest for the products of the pulp and paper industry. As long as you have TP, you’re good. Unless of course you have a house full of riotous teenagers and it’s Halloween, in which case you’re probably going to be out of toilet paper shortly. Also you’ll owe your neighbours a cake. I’d hide the eggs before you start baking too.

 

He's cool.

He’s cool.

What was the first concert you went to?

I feel like you don’t want me to answer Raffi.   I’ll go with someone much cooler instead- Hanson.

 

What is your favorite quote?

MMBop.

 

Is that not a quote?

MMMBop

They’re definitely cooler.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How do you take your coffee?

In litres, preferably in the morning.

Or in gallons for all my Southern reader friends.

 

What are you having (or did you have) for dinner tonight?

A sandwich, I was supposed to be making wheatberry salad, but then I started watching “Big Love”, and answering a never ending series of questions.

 

What is your favorite thing about yourself?

I feel like this is more than eleven questions, or possibly I’m answering more than eleven questions, or maybe it just feels longer because I keep asking questions.

Let’s say my ability to count.

 

What is your guilty pleasure?

Polygamy, but I haven’t actually done that, I just imagine other women cleaning my house and then making me litres of coffee. So let’s go with eating all of Roscoe’s special yogurt out of the fridge.

 

Stay tuned for part two of the Liebster award posts. There’s going to be a bar fight.