Naked in Public: The Neighbourly Edition

When I’m out and about, my nudity is unintentional. However at home is another story; when I lived on the second story of the doctor’s house, Roscoe would begin by pleading that I “not stand in the buff next to the window”. When he realized that this wasn’t making a difference, he changed to “please close the curtains when you stand naked next to the windows” which eventually became “could you stop standing naked next to the windows which face out onto a busy street?”

Mr. Rogers, it's probably best if we aren't neighbours. I'd feel poorly about flashing you.  (Photo Credit:

Mr. Rogers, it’s probably best if we aren’t neighbours. I’d feel poorly about flashing you. (Photo Credit:

For the record I’m not an exhibitionist, only extremely absent minded which is why I constantly forget that I live in a bungalow and that my kitchen window faces the entrance to the neighbouring frat house. (For the record –yes I do choose my living accommodations based on proximity to entertainment.)

Last Saturday, having climbed out of the shower, I headed towards my bedroom in a towel. This was when I realized I’d forgotten my bra in the bathroom. Throwing off my towel, I walked into the kitchen in my birthday suit. It was at that moment that the frat boys decided to all head outside together, no less than twenty of them poured into the alleyway between the houses. There were so many young men that some of them were pressed up against the side of my house right next to my kitchen window. “Eeek” I shouted jumping backwards back into my bedroom, having just flashed approximately fifteen young men the goods.

The scene looked exactly like this. Only there were about twenty Dustin Hoffmans. And it wasn't nearly as sexy. Also there was shrieking. (Photo Credit:

The scene looked exactly like this. Only there were about twenty Dustin Hoffmans. Also there was shrieking. And no one got any action afterwards, unless of course you count my kitchen blinds which were lowered for the first time since I moved in. (Photo Credit:

The students got their revenge though, the next morning as I was making my lunch, I watched a fellow look around, turn his back to my kitchen window and proceed to pee in the alley. Laughing as I pushed the pane upwards to open the window, I yelled “Just a heads up, that spot is less private than you’d think.”. Glancing over his shoulder the youth shot me a sheepish smile. “Good to know” he replied, zipping up his pants.

Travesty Tuesdays- Crack Cocaine and Unemployment

The following communication was sent to my very understanding father during what was a stressful year for me. I was in school with little hope of getting a job afterwards. I didn’t like the program I was taking so I frequently sent him emails along the lines of “I’m going to bite the heads off chickens this evening, please call before six.” This is one of those emails. I wish I could say that I was joking, but it’s unlikely. Invariably if you search my and Roscoe’s apartment you’ll find a sign with a picture of a bridge on it which says “Pee here!” and is dated March 11th, 2010.


Sent: March 11, 2010 2:22 PM
To: Dad
Subject: I’m applying for unemployment


And then I’m taking up crack cocaine,
and once I’m finished with that I think I’ll begin a campaign to encourage public urination.

Be thankful you have means to remove yourself not only from my presence but the country where I’m residing.