Fake homeless teenagers and environmental hopes

Course : Introduction to Storytelling

Assignment Description

Emily Dickinson said, “Tell all the truth but tell it slant.” To embrace the idea of rewriting and to immediately make it part of your practice, choose a short piece you’ve written and write it again in a new way. Tell it from the angle of what you’d like other people think had happened.

Initial Story – You’ve got the wrong person! I swear!

I got mistaken for a homeless person. Again. For once I would love for another person to describe the experience of having spare change thrown at them while walking down the street. That never happens. It’s only me.

My hair is dirty blonde. Emphasis on the dirty. It’s wild to the point of making Helena Bonham Carter look kempt. And I will concede that my clothes have seen better days between the twice mended and now ripped patches at the knees and the haggard, secondhand coat that I habitually wear, but isn’t that the uniform of a dedicated environmentalist?

Then there’s the bike. It confuses people. It costs as much as a used car but because it’s a Danish cargo trike and I live in Canada, people assume I cobbled it together in my garage.

And of course, we can’t forget the size or the voice. At five foot two, I’m the size of your average twelve year old on a good day. Maybe a thirteen year old with poor nutrition. Combine that with my tinny, small voice and I get asked whether my parents know where I am.

It was approaching Halloween and I was on a hunt for gourds. There was supposed to be a sale. There wasn’t. There wasn’t supposed to be freezing, cold rain. There was.

After arriving at the shopping mall soaked to the skin and disappointed by the lack of pumpkins, I took my son into the grocery store to warm up. There was a stack of newborn diapers on the sale rack, since I was six months pregnant at the time, this was a find.

I piled up the cart and headed to the checkout. Behind me, was the same kindly looking man who watched with curiosity as I had dismounted my bike in the parking lot. While I waited to check out, I talked to my son about the new baby. My hair was plastered to my face, giving me a sad bedraggled appearance, but my son who rode in the covered cargo area was cheerful and dry.

The cashier scanned my items. Horror washed over me as I realized that I had only brought twenty dollars cash – enough for two pumpkins from the missing farmer’s market. The gentleman behind me stepped in with the same benevolence you’d expect from a grandfather, “I’ll pay for those.”

“Please, no. Please, no. Please, no,” I repeated bathing in my own shame now rather than horror.

“I’ve had a lot of good fortune in my life,” the man reassured the underage pregnant girl he thought I was.

“I…” the deeply ashamed, well off married woman faltered.

“You have a good day dear,” the man said to me as I swam away on a wave of my own humiliation after thanking him.

What I Wished had Happened – Score one for the underdog treehuggers!

I got recognized today! Finally, after years of committing to my various causes – second hand clothing, biking over gasoline, mending what you have, someone rewarded me for my efforts!

There I was: cycling to the mall in the freezing rain, which never feels truly cold when one is living their dream of biking everywhere. The drivers gave me friendly waves as I rode past. I knew in my heart that I was an inspiration, surely next week I would see them on their bicycles next to me.

Sadly the local, organic farmer’s market failed to materialize in the inclement weather but that didn’t stop me and my son from having a nice morning. Off we headed to the grocery store.

Our trip was rewarded – packages of newborn size diapers were on mega sale. As I was six months pregnant with my second child, this was an exciting find. Normally, I would never use disposable diapers, but my stash of cloth diapers only includes a handful of newborn size.

Behind me in the lineup for the checkout was the same man who had eyed my bike as I locked up. “You are an impressive young woman,” he said, looking pointedly at my well mended pant legs.

I smiled demurely and said, “Thank you.”

“Let me pay for those diapers.”

“I couldn’t,” I replied, unsure of his motivations.

“It’s the least I can do for someone who is actively saving the earth.” I was taken aback, while many have said they were impressed by my commitment to cycling and lowering my carbon footprint this was the first time I had received anything beyond the sense of satisfaction from it.

“Why thank you!” I walked out of the store positively giddy, surely this is a sign of change and support for green energy to come!

Trump is Not a Tragedy: Sign Your Own Paris Accord

The United States has backed out of the Paris Accord. Not surprising given their president’s world views. Rather than calling this event an environmental tragedy, take the situation for what it is- an opportunity. This is a chance to open up a discussion about climate change, the environment and consumption with your family, friends and children, because ultimately, nothing has changed.

The people still hold all the power. With every product you purchase, with every watt, kilojoule or BTU of energy you use, you are voting. In buying shampoo, you’re saying “Hell Yeah!” to Proctor and Gamble, each time you drive your car, it’s a message to Exxon “Keep up the good work” and by charging your phone, depending on where you live, it’s like slapping a small invisible bumper sticker to your tush that says “What’s that lovely smell? It’s natural gas”.

Each person votes hundreds of times a day. The power remains with you, meaning that every single person has the ability to enact change. The take home message of climate change and the Paris Accord is this: we need to change how much we are consuming and what we are consuming. Both of those are hard truths to hear and even more difficult truths to act upon.

My aunt bought me a book for Christmas “The Reader’s Digest Guide to Life”. The book’s cover advertised that it contained instructions on “How to actually save the planet!” or some other such nonsense like that. For the record, Reader’s Digest would like you all to turn down your thermostats and locate a nearby farmer’s market. Unfortunately, as a planet, we’re past that point. But the issue is, no one wants to surrender the keys to their car.

As someone who sold their vehicle and lived car-free, I’ll tell you honestly that giving up your vehicle is limiting and complicates your life. But it’s what our planet needs. I’ll also share that two years after I junked my truck, I bought a van. The caveat here is- I don’t drive my van. Mostly I walk and I bike, on the rare occasions that neither of those forms of transportation will cut it, I hop in my car. For the past four years, my feet and my mountain bike have been my preferred form of transportation.

Tex on the other hand is a different story. He’s a cowboy which means he loves his “Man Van” and chose almost exclusively to drive the 2km to work and home last year. But the combination of watching National Geographic’s “Before the Flood” and Trump’s exit from the Paris Accord struck an unhappy note in him. It sparked a series of discussions in our house about the use of fossil fuels, the necessity of alternate forms of energy and our personal responsibility.

Last night, Tex and I signed our personal Paris Accord. As an engineer, the need for different sources of energy resonated with Tex. For myself, the question is always “How can we use less?” Together, we came up with the following agreement.

Paris Accord: The Family Edition- Goals for 2017 to 2018

  1. Put 1,000 kilometers on our cargo trike

Previously, my walking distance was under 5 kilometers, but with the arrival of our son, that became too far to go by foot. Acquiring a cargo trike opened up a world of locations that had previously only been accessible by car. We purchased the trike in lieu of buying a second vehicle. Our initial goal of 500 kilometers for the year seemed low given that the odometer ticked over to 300 yesterday. It’s been amazing how quickly trips to the grocery store and the local playplace have added up. I’ll share our tally in December.

  1. 400 kilometers on Tex’s bike

This goal made me so proud of my husband. Tex is not a morning person and allotting extra time to bike in the morning will be a challenge for him. This number represents Tex biking to and from work 100 times. Wish him luck.

  1. Reduce the distance we drive our van by 6,000 kilometers

This goal will be our biggest challenge; an unfortunate consequence of living in the middle of nowhere is that it is a very, very long drive to anything beyond basic amenities, family or programs. The average family puts 20,000 kilometers on their vehicle each year, so we would be cutting our emissions by more than a quarter. I’ll let you know how we fare.

  1. Tex will invest $10,000 in solar panels

This week, Tex discovered that in the next province over, where his family farm is located, the majority of the energy comes from oil and natural gas whereas our province is powered by dams up north. Through investing this amount in solar panels for the farm, Tex will prevent 4.6 metric tonnes of carbon emissions in addition to the 5% payback we will receive each year from the energy generated by the panels. This is equal to the amount of carbon dioxide emitted by driving a car 17,600 km or flying a family of four round trip to Europe.

  1. “Car free days” will be rewarded with $5 contributions to a fund for additional solar panels.

Five dollars a day adds up quickly, and rather than taxing our van’s use, I wanted to incentivize Tex’s newfound passion for cycling. This goal will show whether his excitement for solar panels is lasting.

 

There were a number of other obvious goals which didn’t make our family Paris Accord because they are easier changes or we had previously enacted them.

  • Less travel – we will not be flying for pleasure this year, instead we’ll be investing that money and then some into renewable energy.
  • Less beef – this one is a challenge given that Tex’s family are ranchers. We decided to halve our beef consumption to start.
  • Local food – I mentioned the family farm which is where a large percentage of our produce comes from.

Being in a family of two working professionals, Tex and I are afforded greater freedom with respect to what we can invest in alternative energy. But everyone, no matter their means can have a sizeable environmental impact by choosing to walk or bike or reducing their meat consumption. For our family, this agreement was a way of truly committing to reducing climate change by changing both how much and the kind of energy we consume.

For myself, the financial investment was and will be the aspect that I struggle with most. For Tex, the change in driving habits will present the most difficulty. Change isn’t easy, financial investment isn’t easy and sticking to it is the hardest part. But as citizens of planet earth we can personally choose to say “No” and in doing so, we will change the world. So my question to you is – What kind of Paris Accord could your family sign?

 

What small steps could you take? Transportation is where the majority of a person’s carbon footprint comes from- flying and driving are rough on our environment. When I began my green journey four years ago, I set a goal of walking or taking the bus to work once a week and my goals snowballed from there. Start small and keep challenging yourself.

 

How can you say “No”? While my brother in-law won’t be thrilled about our partial beef embargo, to me, this was a small, easy change to make. Focus on simple changes.

 

Learn more. Read green biographies, David Suzuki is fronting a movement for change. You can find him and his foundation here: http://www.davidsuzuki.org/

 

If you agree with our thoughts, press “Like”. If you think creating your own Paris Accord is a good idea press “Share” and if you want to change the world, make your own Paris Accord and tell us about it in the comments.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts, I bet they’re good ones.

Vintage Underpants: The Great Untapped Resource

Among my family and friends, I am known for being frugal. I go to great lengths to protect both the environment and my pocketbook. As a die hard conservationist, I am always on the look out for new uses for old possessions. While studying a pair of holey underoos the other day, an idea came to me; underpants- a long ignored, near natural resource. Found in every home and often on many a person, this sometimes hot, sweaty commodity has many uses.

Look out solar power, granny panties are about to to become the next big thing in environmentalism. (Photo Credit: target.com)

Look out solar power, granny panties are about to become the next big thing in environmentalism. (Photo Credit: target.com)

A Protest Against The Neighbour’s Annoying Wind Chimes

Can’t bring yourself to steal that tinkling nuisance, that keeps you awake, from the house next door? Tie your husband’s old tightie whities together in an artful pattern and string them proudly across your house like a set of summer cotton Christmas lights. Then offer to make a trade with your neighbour; you take down yours and I’ll take down mine.

Just wait until you see my boxer brief Christmas wreath. (Photo Credit: tillerytimes.blogspot.com)

Just wait until you see my boxer brief Christmas wreath. (Photo Credit: tillerytimes.blogspot.com)

A Quilt That You’ll Never Have To Share

Stitching your old undergarments into the world’s grossest blanket is a win win winter situation; warm toes and you’ll never worry about anyone taking it. Unless of course you own a dog, in which case that baby’ll be toast or possibly an appetizer depending on the time of day that your canine eats it. Women’s underwear are the most common item to be surgically removed from dogs’ stomachs

Women's underwear are the most common item to be surgically removed from dogs' stomachs. Also I feel like this artist would appreciate a underpants quilt. (Photo Credit: www.bitrebels.com)

This artist would appreciate a underpants quilt. (Photo Credit: http://www.bitrebels.com)

Bring Your Family Closer By Instilling a Uniform

Pull a Madonna and force your nearest and dearest to wear their old boxer briefs outside of their clothing at all times. The teasing and humiliation will inspire a sense of loyalty as you take turns shielding one another from mocking.

Middle age husbands rock this look. (Photo Credit : main.stylelist.com)

Middle age husbands rock this look. Or at least that’s what you’ll need to tell them. (Photo Credit : main.stylelist.com)

Use It Up, Wear It Out, Make It Work, Do Without

Old underwear are never truly used up, there’s always a swath of fabric to be saved, use these tiny scraps to patch your other less worn underwear. Who needs Victoria Secret when you have underpants that look like they were made by a schizophrenic five year old wielding a glue gun? Of course you could do without, but that option gets pretty chilly in Canada for most of the year and you’d be depriving yourself of what is clearly the next big trend in environmentalism.

These are just a couple of suggestions for your old bikini briefs. Do you have any more? Share them in the comments!