Four Years Ago Today

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I still relive this day in my head with the same joy and excitement that I felt climbing up that hill and kissing my new husband for so long that the minister commented on it. (Photo Credit : Sula)

Tex,

I’m sorry. Once again, you undoubtedly bought me the perfect card which sums up your feelings for me and inscribed it with a heartfelt and romantic message of gratitude and love. And in return you received a Happy Hanukkah card with a porcupine on it-which is a bit of a head-scratcher because to start with, we’re not Jewish. I’m a little rubbish at personal milestones.

Don’t let my inability to choose heartwarming stationary make you think that I don’t care. It sounds trite, but every single day you inspire me to be a better person; the kindness that you unconditionally show to the world makes me smile. And makes me wish I could be that nice. Most of the time, I settle for having a truly empathetic and loving spouse while continuing to be my mischievous and slightly unpleasant self.

I said it in our wedding vows, but I hunted you down with all the stealth and cunning of a puma. And every day I look at you and think “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” You’re the most funny, interesting, smart person I know. You’re the only person I ever dated who matched the magnitude of my passion and zest for life. Your deep commitment to your interests brings me joy. From the time we met, you are and remain, my favourite person ever. I can’t wait for our next wedding anniversary and all the ones to come.

Also, right now, hold onto those fluttery, nice feelings you have towards me. I need to confess something. I told our mailman that you’re a never-nude.

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It’s exactly like this. Only with black socks. Photo Credit : Twitter.

It just came out. Sorry. But it is odd that in the five years that we’ve been together, I’ve never once glimpsed your feet.

As always,

your loving, but overly chatty wife

Marriage Is For Better Or For Worse; Do Giant Dirt Ice Cubes Go Under Worse?

On the eve of my wedding anniversary, I thought I’d share a conversational excerpt from the past week.

Roscoe arrives home to yet another roast chicken dinner.

Roscoe gestures towards the plate “Again?”

The Great Unwashed “Chicken breasts were half price this week so I bought eight pounds.”

Roscoe surveys the white meat dejectedly “Can you put some in the freezer?”

The Great Unwashed “No, because then there wouldn’t be room for the dirt.”

Roscoe verging on alarmed now and inspecting the apartment for signs of gardening paraphernalia “What dirt?”

The Great Unwashed unperturbed and completely missing the strain in her husband’s voice “The dirt I put in the freezer.”

Roscoe with a note of disbelief “You froze dirt in our freezer?”

The Great Unwashed excitedly “I fit an entire container of it in there!”

Roscoe waits for justification then realizes that it isn’t coming “Um why?”

The Great Unwashed “So that there will be a layer on top of the sand.”

Rosoce “There’s sand in our freezer too?”

The Great Unwashed “Well yeah, what else are the dinosaurs going to rest on?”

DIRT Themed photo

Can be stored next to fudgsicles and adds a distinct earthy flavour to burgers. (Photo credit: Pink Pink)

Roscoe stands still for a moment, not sure what to do now that his wife has converted the place that once housed bananas and expired meat into something that could pass for a playground, “What is wrong with you?”

The Great Unwashed with just a hint of amusement in her voice “Don’t get upset I’ll clean it after, and you knew I was an artist when you married me.”

Roscoe inhales deeply in an attempt to calm himself and starts to eat his fourth chicken dinner of the week. He decides to let the dirt ice cube issue go and move onto other topics. “I couldn’t find the iron this morning do you know where it is?”

The Great Unwashed “Oh, I left it at work, but you wouldn’t want to use it anyway, it’s covered in crayon.”

Roscoe makes the internationally recognized “What the hell?” face. Then remembers that this is what he signed up for three years ago and continues eating his chicken.

Happy Anniversary Roscoe, I love you even if you don’t always love me, and I still think you’re handsome even if there are flecks of crayon on your dress shirts.