Wow, that title makes my life sound excessively sexy and exciting. Also possibly like a frat party. I should clarify; the shot in question was a flu vaccine. However, the half-naked man was NOT my husband and I did get in a bit of trouble for it.
Tex is all about prenatal care which was how I found myself at a flu vaccination clinic the other week. Normally I don’t patronize those types of places but not because I agree with Jenny McCarthy,
more because I am a first rate wimp. The world’s greatest wuss. More cowardly than the cowardly lion when it comes to needles or any item being stuck into my skin, this is unfortunate because pregnant women either receive needles or are poked with needles every other day it seems.
Previously, if forced to get a needle for any reason, I would situate myself next to a tearful looking toddler, shore up my courage and say to myself “I am braver than a two year old”. It works, sort of; course the whole process is far more effective if I excuse myself to perform muscle poses in the bathroom mirror beforehand.
So there I was waiting with a bunch of people whose spouses probably told them they were going out for fro-yo but ended up in a line to be responsible citizens instead, when suddenly there was no line. “You go first” I said to Tex. I may or may not have shoved my sweet husband towards the nearest, unoccupied registered nurse.
“You don’t need to wait, I’m free over here!” A cheerful, well-dressed woman called to me. My time had come, and there was no child around to compare myself to, all I had was a quickly growing ball of fear and panic. That was when the construction worker at the next station over started stripping. I was so distracted by the sudden appearance of a whole lot of skin that I sat down next to the nurse without any encouragement.
“Is he going to take it all off?” I asked the nurse. “Oh no, we tell them that we just need access to an arm but some guys just remove their shirts.” It wasn’t a toddler with a quivering lip, but it would do. I focused all of my attention on the construction worker’s bare back while the nurse tried to make small talk. “So how far along are you? Who did you come with?”
“Seven months and my husband, coming here was his idea- I wanted pop tarts sprinkled over frozen vanilla yogurt” I answered, still staring at the man’s back trying to imagine a circumstance where I would knowingly strip in public as opposed to all the times where I accidentally flashed the elders in church.
“Avert your eyes!” the nurse chastened me “You’re a married woman!” She said this while wielding a needle that she was about to plunge into my unsuspecting shoulder so I continued to focus all my attention on the impromptu Chippendale while explaining that I was the world’s largest suck and it was serving as my distraction.
The man stood to get dressed at the same as the nurse stuck a band aid to my arm. As he dressed and I followed Tex to the exit, I said a silent word of thanks for random half naked men. I’m fairly sure that doesn’t count as adultery, only wimpery.