I think we can all agree; Chad is a jerk. The king of the jerks, the jerkiest jerk that ever jerked. Yet everyone knows him, and regardless of how we feel about him, he still comes around every so often.
I should explain, for starters, Chad doesn’t own a watch. He runs on “Chad time” which is code for “I’ll show up to the party whenever I want and whenever I want is never on time”, leaving everyone questioning when he’s going to arrive, even though no one invited him.
Chad is often late, the irony is, even if no one invited him, you’re still left worrying “Where’s Chad? I hope he’s going to come, I would have known if something happened right?” and then he shows up around midnight, in all his sloppy glory, completely unaware that anyone was expecting him.
Did I mention he’s a messy S.O.B.? He never cleans up after himself, which normally is fine, except when he arrives early just as you are preparing for an event. Luckily this doesn’t happen often- in Chad’s words “Being on time or early is for trains or those European dudes with moustaches”.
Although he’s rarely early, Chad loves showing up unannounced. Like on a Sunday morning when you’re sitting on your couch, enjoying a morning coffee and Chad bursts in “WAAZZZZZZZupppppp” like an obnoxious, attention seeking beer commercial. And so the peace is broken and once more you have to deal with him.
Chad loves to go out, but as I said before, he’s a mess. If you thought giving a two year old a purple slurpee was a bad idea, try taking Chad anywhere, one would almost believe that he enjoys causing embarrassment, but he’s so unaware, that you can’t really blame him.
Luckily his visits are infrequent, but in the same way that Chad has no idea that he’s causing embarrassment, he also has no clue when he’s worn out his welcome. After spending a day and a half with him, secretly I often wish that he’d go away and never return. But like ants in a dirty frat house basement, no matter what you do, Chad just keeps coming back.
I can’t decide whether to dedicate this post to teen girls everywhere, or to my Uncles, father and grandfather for unknowingly reading about my period.
I’ll pick the last one- you’re troopers boys, now go take a walk because I’m sure that you all have the willies.