1. Yes, I recognize that it isn’t Friday but let’s pretend this is Australia, or Taiwan, whichever is further. Or maybe it’s Monday there. I have no clue, I’m bad with time zones, not that the Australians would care, they’re too busy riding kangaroos and eating sharks. It’s possible I have that the wrong way around.

This seems far more Australian, I definitely had it wrong. (Photo Credit : dutchsharksociety.org)

2. Along with not understanding times zones, I have trouble with dates. This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if I hadn’t been asked by multiple people what day it was today. I gave no less than four separate answers; none were correct. It’s a good thing I’m not in charge of German trains- there might be a revolt.
3. Once I lived with a Merman who had OCD. Ok not so much lived with as lived below. And it might be that he wasn’t a Merman, merely a guy who took A LOT of baths. I know I’m not one to talk but I feel like after three soaks in the tub per day, one develops gills. Also, when he wasn’t bathing he was vacuuming. Perhaps he had one of those fantastic vacuums that would suck up all of the puddles that he created after his bath. Regardless of whether I lived below a fabulous part man part sea creature, for certain, the inhabitant and his apartment must have been spotless.

I imagine that my neighbour looked exactly like this. Only without breasts.(Photo Credit: themoviesplash.blogspot.com)

4. Since becoming bilingual I have started thinking partly in French. This is less sexy and more unproductive than one might think. For example in the middle of the night when I inexplicably asked Tex* to turn off his computer in French. While French is my second language, it isn’t Tex’s, he especially doesn’t speak French that is sleep mumbled through a mouth guard. “Est-ce que c’est possible de fermer ton ordi?” Came out  “seeesApisebl ERmAirDE?”
5. I saved the best for last. I sometimes wear my shiny, sparkly underpants inside out so I can enjoy the sight of the flashy fabric while I use the loo.

I think I’m going to stop there now that I’ve made everything awkward.

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of those who patiently wait for midnight English translations.