- Despite my small stature I have an unparalleled ability to sneeze broadly. This is to say that if someone is standing within two feet of me when I sneeze, they will get wet. I am strangely proud of this. In other unrelated news, my social circle has rapidly decreased since the start of cold and flu season.
- The only thing I enjoy more than sneezing on people is watching others sneeze on innocent passersby. The most notable example being at a children’s concert when a boy in the back row stopped singing just long enough to cover part of the second and first row in a mixture of snot and saliva. The only person alarmed by this was the small girl standing next to him, who caught some gooey flak as well. I laughed for about five minutes. The kind of laughter where your eyes tear up and you can’t breathe. I am a horrible person, not just for this but also for my third weirdness of the day.
- I don’t believe in Kleenex. Being an environmentalist, I believe in reusable handkerchiefs. The difference between me and other environmentalists is that my arm is my hanky. It’s disgusting and I will confess that my arm hair gets crackly when I’m sick but I feel good about my green choice.
- Onto less snotty pastures, when I owned a car, I would puppeteer at stop lights. This would have been less noticeable if I didn’t have multiple sets of puppet eyes stored in the ash tray of my car for such occasions. And if I didn’t sing and flail my limbs at the same time. I frequently received thumbs up and awkward amused smiles from other drivers.
- Tragically none of my New Year’s resolutions are about changing the aforementioned behaviours.
The Great Unwashed
Granddad "You're like the Masons, the things that come out of your mouth are unexpected."
The Great Unwashed 
By green choice I assume you meant environmental as opposed to green snot. 😊. Hope you have a sneeze free new year!
I meant both, and how can I test the strength of other’s immune systems if I have a sneeze free year?