Emily Post Couldn’t Have Said It Better Herself

I started a new job this past week. With new jobs comes training. Some of it was paperwork but part of the training included a self defense component. Hence the following conversation at Sula’s house.

The Great Unwashed in my bright and cheerful tone- “A giant man put me in a headlock today. And I got out!” The last sentence was said with a certain amount of pride.

Sula– “Did he smell nice?” said in a way that indicated that this was a reasonable follow up question.

The Great Unwashed– “Pardon?”

Sula– “If you are going to put a lady in your armpit, you should make sure there are no odors first.” This was stated in the same haughty manner that one might instruct someone where to put the oyster forks.

The oyster fork sits adjacent to the grapefruit spoon and one must always apply "Old Spice" before putting a co-worker in a half nelson. (Photo Credit : www.bexfield.co.uk)

The oyster fork sits adjacent to the grapefruit spoon and one must always apply “Old Spice” before putting a co-worker in a half nelson. (Photo Credit : http://www.bexfield.co.uk)

I burst out laughing because it never occurred to me to check for scents while my head was sandwiched between a large forearm and sturdy midsection.

So for my readers, if you are planning to attend the Unwashed Head Lock Cotillion you will need to wear deoderant.

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4 thoughts on “Emily Post Couldn’t Have Said It Better Herself

    • Tragically no. The Ringling Brothers turned me down citing a lack of knowledge regarding the purposes of cutlery and rules regarding hygiene while wrestling with coworkers.

      Who knew the circus could be so picky?

  1. Thank you. Prior to this reading, I had NO idea where the oyster fork belonged. Okay, okay, I didn’t even *know* there was such a thing as an oyster fork. Perhaps because I don’t eat oysters. As for an odorous headlock…I really don’t know what to say. Such things had not previously occurred to me. Thank you again for this enlightening post.

    • Odor being the important element to consider prior to placing someone in a headlock was also something I had not thought of. This is why we make friends. So we smell good. Or at least think about whether or not we smell good.

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