The other day Roscoe arrived home from working at the hospital to a problem.
The Great Unwashed– “I think I swallowed a maggot, can you look at my throat?”
Roscoe his voice heavy with disbelief “You swallowed a maggot.”
The Great Unwashed undeterred by Roscoe’s lack of concern for her wellbeing- “Yes.”
Roscoe – “Why were you eating maggots?”
The Great Unwashed– “I wasn’t but one time a friend of mine ate a maggot that got caught in his throat and then crawled up into his sinuses and he described the sensation to me. My throat feels exactly like that, so I need you to check it out for me.”
Roscoe realizing this problem is not going to go away until he acknowledges it- “Fine. Come here. Open your mouth.”
Roscoe is giving The Great Unwashed’s mouth only a cursory glance “Wait, don’t you need your expensive ear and mouth thingy that looks the emergency car window breaker? Or at the very least the pepper shaker with the light on the end of it?”
Roscoe – “Do you want me to season your throat or examine it?”
The Great Unwashed -“Examine please.”
Roscoe inspects the back of my throat for creepy crawly things.- “No maggots. You’re fine.”
The Great Unwashed – “I don’t think you followed the proper insect ingestion protocol.”
Roscoe – “Who went to medical school here?”
The Great Unwashed – “All I’m saying is that if I were checking if someone had eaten a maggot, I would have used a flashlight, or maybe some maggot food to entice the maggot to come out.”
“Arrrrrrrrrgggg!!!” Roscoe throws up his hands and stalks out of the room.
The Great Unwashed calls after him “What do maggots eat?”