So earlier this week I was struck by a brilliant idea- I could work in Hawaii. Maui in particular is short 500 people in my industry every year. There were a number of obstacles in this plan, the first being Roscoe. Here is how I presented the idea to him.
The Great Unwashed– “I want to work in Hawaii.”
Roscoe– “Can we please have this conversation another time? Or can you at least carry your end of the couch while you are doing it?”
Roscoe and I have an agreement that me and my bendy, pipecleaner arms will pretend to help him move big pieces of furniture and Roscoe will act as though I’m actually helping.
The Great Unwashed obligingly pretends to pick up half the couch- “I want to work in Hawaii, they need people in my field there.”
Roscoe grunting from the exertion of carrying a couch alone- “That’s great?”
The Great Unwashed– “No it is! You could work there too. People lose bits all the time in Hawaii, sharks are always biting surfers’ arms and legs off. You’d have lots of work. Also I hear some fish even bite. You’d be overrun with sewing bits back on, honest.”
Roscoe– “I question your knowledge of ichthyology.”
The Great Unwashed– “I question your knowledge of cosmetology. So there. The point is we need to move to Hawaii.”
After the couch was placed in it’s new spot I went online to find more persuasive information about employment and carnivorous fish.
What I discovered was that in order to work in Hawaii I would have to get my degree accredited, write an exam, fly myself out to Hawaii to attend an interview on my dime and then go through the process of applying for an international work Visa.
After doing all of that to the tune of approximately five grand I might, might get hired to work and be paid two thirds of what I receive here.
“Nutbars!” I cried upon this revelation “Super peanut-y O’Henrys! King Size Snickers!
There is only one possible solution to this costly problem.
I’m going to write to Hawaii and recommend that they install a zipline from Canada, thereby cutting the travel costs down to zero and making the process far, far cheaper. Although it still would be a pain. Now there would be some start up expenses with the installation of the zipline but I think it would be minimal compared to the number of people who would benefit from its use. And it would certainly cut down on the labour shortages.