On the eve of my wedding anniversary, I thought I’d share a conversational excerpt from the past week.
Roscoe arrives home to yet another roast chicken dinner.
Roscoe gestures towards the plate “Again?”
The Great Unwashed “Chicken breasts were half price this week so I bought eight pounds.”
Roscoe surveys the white meat dejectedly “Can you put some in the freezer?”
The Great Unwashed “No, because then there wouldn’t be room for the dirt.”
Roscoe verging on alarmed now and inspecting the apartment for signs of gardening paraphernalia “What dirt?”
The Great Unwashed unperturbed and completely missing the strain in her husband’s voice “The dirt I put in the freezer.”
Roscoe with a note of disbelief “You froze dirt in our freezer?”
The Great Unwashed excitedly “I fit an entire container of it in there!”
Roscoe waits for justification then realizes that it isn’t coming “Um why?”
The Great Unwashed “So that there will be a layer on top of the sand.”
Rosoce “There’s sand in our freezer too?”
The Great Unwashed “Well yeah, what else are the dinosaurs going to rest on?”
Roscoe stands still for a moment, not sure what to do now that his wife has converted the place that once housed bananas and expired meat into something that could pass for a playground, “What is wrong with you?”
The Great Unwashed with just a hint of amusement in her voice “Don’t get upset I’ll clean it after, and you knew I was an artist when you married me.”
Roscoe inhales deeply in an attempt to calm himself and starts to eat his fourth chicken dinner of the week. He decides to let the dirt ice cube issue go and move onto other topics. “I couldn’t find the iron this morning do you know where it is?”
The Great Unwashed “Oh, I left it at work, but you wouldn’t want to use it anyway, it’s covered in crayon.”
Roscoe makes the internationally recognized “What the hell?” face. Then remembers that this is what he signed up for three years ago and continues eating his chicken.
Happy Anniversary Roscoe, I love you even if you don’t always love me, and I still think you’re handsome even if there are flecks of crayon on your dress shirts.