This Travesty Tuesday isn’t so much a correspondence as a conversation. It occurred on Roscoe and my last date night. He claims that I’m grounded and not allowed to speak to normal people for two weeks. Especially not flustered young women with unwanted tilapia. Something about my new catchphrase being wildly inappropriate.
This post will make infinitely more sense and be much funnier if you’ve read “Protect Your Pecker: Pause Before Pill Popping”
Date– Last Thursday
Scene– Roscoe and I are out for a date at a local food place. Our server is new, however Roscoe and I are patient and don’t mind waiting or asking politely for things like cutlery. The two of us are happily chatting away, enjoying the lengthy European style dinner that our server’s inexperience has afforded us. The conversation is interrupted by the arrival of the food.
~Our server carefully places pizza in front of me and fish in front of Roscoe~
Nervous Server– cheerfully, with a note of satisfaction over not dropping the food “There you go!”
Queue the Great Unwashed looking at Roscoe to see whether he’s going to say anything. It appears he isn’t.
The Great Unwashed – in an encouraging tone “Thank you! These do look wonderful, sadly they aren’t what we ordered. I wanted the pork and he ordered a hamburger”
Nervous, now Flustered Server– “Oh! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, let me get those plates.”
~Flustered, blushing server reaches for the plates~
The Great Unwashed– in a reassuring tone “Don’t worry, it’s fine, no one lanced the peen.”
Nervous, now Bewildered Server– “What? I mean pardon?”
Roscoe to the Great Unwashed – “You HAVE to stop saying that. “
Roscoe to the Bewildered Server holding the ownerless plates in a mortified and apologetic tone – “I’m sorry, she means everything is fine.”
Personally I think it’s an overreaction, I mean no harm no foul, no peens were lanced. Regardless it appears as though for the next month our date nights will be Netflix movies on the couch.
*For those of you looking at your calendars, yes it is Friday. However I thought Wednesday was Tuesday and then our house was broken into by spirits from the great beyond on Wednesday night. Have no fear, they took nothing,
however they did leave the lid off the peanut butter. I can’t really blame them, who doesn’t love peanut butter?
I want to use ‘lance the peen’so badly at work, but I fear the teenagers would bully an explanation from me and I’d be fired for inappropriate behaviour with under 18s
Oh good grief! Can you even imagine? But it would be so funny. You’ll just have to use it out and about in there world as you have no husband to ground you.