I’m not shaped like anyone else in my family. My Gran who frequently made me dresses when I was younger often lamented this while trying to dart a dress for the fourth time. Yanking the material this way and that she would snap “Why can’t you be a cylinder like your mother?”

Please note my mother is a shapely cylinder. You’re welcome Mom.

Anyway so when I turned sixteen and started filling up bra cups, my mother was at a loss for where I got this figure from. Finally we found the culprit- Great Grandma Kay.

Now being a respectful and polite sixteen year old, I decided I needed to thank her for her generous gift of hourglass shape genes so I penned the following card.

Dear Grandma Kay,

Thank you very much for the breasts. I really like them. They look very nice in my sweaters.

Love Sarah

For some reason my mother deemed this card wildly inappropriate and I wasn’t allowed to send it to my 84 year old Great Grandmother. I don’t know why, I always thought it was important to thank people for everything.