Generally when I need to print, scan or copy something it goes as such. I crouch in front of the printer looking completely confused at the small digital display. I press a whole bunch of buttons. The printer then beeps a lot but doesn’t do anything. Cue Roscoe calling from the next room “What do you need printed? If you tell me and can wait until I finish these notes, I’ll do it.”

However today I decided I was going to be techy and scan something myself. I was going to keep pressing the buttons on the printer until I hit the magical combination that resulted in my computer having the file I needed.

Or that was the plan at least, it was made before I found out our printer was a junkie. Now Roscoe’s job is very busy so he doesn’t often text or call during the day, it generally has to be what he deems an emergency situation. Hence the following one sided text conversation.

9:54 AM

Our printer is broken. It wants us to be penniless, I can’t submit forms for work.

9:55 AM

Printer does not appreciate soft lullabies. Still not working.

9:56 AM

The printer is asking for PC. I don’t know what that is.

9:57 AM

Is PC short form for “Printer Crack”? Would make sense why the printer never works if it is a junkie.

9:58 AM

Do I need to give the printer Printer Crack before it will work?

10:03 AM

Searched the office, couldn’t find printer crack. Found printer ink, but still wouldn’t print the last time I tried switching the cartridges.

10:06 AM

Am going to try classic drug dealer trick of passing off powdered sugar as crack to appease printer.

10:07 AM

Am going to try combining flour, icing sugar and my scrap booking glue and offering it to the printer to see if junkie printer will believe it’s crack and scan my document.

10:07 AM

Don’t worry, you taught me how to lift the glass panel to get to the electronic printer innards.

 

Surprisingly Roscoe called very shortly after this, just as I was figuring out which mixing bowl to use to make my printer crack. Apparently putting any combination of baking supplies and glue in technology is bad for it, even if you think the electronic device is specifically requesting it. Also PC stands for personal computer. I thought everyone should know this.