As per Granddad’s request, I have been wearing more makeup. However it should be noted Granddad only asked that I wear makeup, not that I do so successfully. Thus I may have spent the past couple days wandering about looking like my face has been painted by a four year old who was drunk on sugar.

I decided to make up for my previous lack of makeup by using darker colours than normal. Generally I strive for a “Natural Look”. This past week I went for a “Co-ed Awakens in a Dumpster Look”, which is all fine and dandy until you rub your eyes. Or specifically you rub one eye and leave the other as is. Which led to the following conversation.

Roscoe arrives home after working an eleven hour day. He is very tired and is unlikely to notice subtleties like the fact that the OVERWHELMINGLY GIGANTIC Christmas tree is missing and that his petit wife was the only one home all day to remove it. But he’s an ottoman, this kind of thing happens occasionally, if I had sewed a new, shiny button on the couch it would have been a completely different story- “Why didn’t I get a shiny button?”

Anyways back to the conversation. Roscoe and I are sitting on the couch.  An unusual place for an ottoman, but ours is a unique marriage so there you go. I digress.

Roscoe- “Wait are you wearing eyeshadow on only one eye?”

Me- “No. “ I hold up my hand where all of the colour came off in a streak onto my thumb “I had eyeshadow on both eyes but now I have eyeshadow on one eye and a hand.”

I feel Granddad would be very proud of me. Or baffled. One or the other. At any rate, I’m making an effort.

Roscoe thinks this whole makeup thing is very funny and called me as he was heading home from work yesterday. Yes ottomans can use cell phones, Lamps can’t though, lamps don’t often come with drawers or pockets so they’re constantly leaving their phones everywhere, kind of like my sister with her purse.

Anyways so Roscoe phoned me to say he was coming home and that since it was date night I better have makeup on. I told him that I already put some on and he demanded I stand at the kitchen window and that if he couldn’t see it when he drove up, that I should apply more. Then he said I should give up on the makeup concept all together and just start colouring on my face with my Crayola 3D markers.